No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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