Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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