We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
