Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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