Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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