last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
