she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
