I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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