please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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