I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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