So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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