there's paper in my vomit.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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