pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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