it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
