Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
