id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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