and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
