hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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