I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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