I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
