somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
