1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
