the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
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I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
All I want is dick and wine.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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