last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
