I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Quick, to the slutcave!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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