An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
