Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I need to stop coming to work sober
I intend to get homeless drunk
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
