I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
