I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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