She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
