I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You are a genius and a whore.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
