Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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