I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
