areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
