somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
