I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
