i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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