I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well I just put wine in my tea
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
