The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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