Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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