Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
