Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
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I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.