I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You dont lie about slip and slides
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
