Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket