I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How external is "for external use only"?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
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He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.