She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
