they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.