she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My pussy is not your playground.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
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I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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