Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
