hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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