Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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