She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
