this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
