I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
