I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
