So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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