You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
