Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
