we're blogging at a bar
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
