you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
there is glitter all over my balls
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
