So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
