Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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