i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize