You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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