some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
