I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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