I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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