you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
