Will you blow on my dice?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
