OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
