whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
