like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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