Whod you bang
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
