just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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