just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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