you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He passed out mid-signature
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
