We're facebook friends in real life
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
