Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
