Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
