How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
