wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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