I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
