Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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