Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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